Posted by
Grampus on Monday, October 02, 2006 11:03:08 AM
The inevitable has occurred, with all the attacks on the Christian faith coming from the left…the Ten Commandments is being replaced by the Ten Contradictions. These, of course are intended to be all-inclusive so as not to offend anyone.
THE TEN CONTRADICTIONS
1. If you call our religion violent, we will clobber you.
2. Our founder was gentle as a lamb, but we find brute force to be generally preferable as a tool of policy.
3. All science is bunk, unless we find a study which helps us make our point, in which case you should respect science's irrefutable objectivity.
4. Our religion is the unique, exclusive pathway to truth, but we're most comfortable hanging around with people from outside our religion who share our political views.
5. Our faith is the only reasonable faith, but given that most people are not reasonable we will need to suppress free speech.
6. The contradictions in the scriptures of other religions prove their falsehood, but the contradictions in our scriptures can easily be ascribed to paradox, nuance and complexity.
7. You can be confident that our gods will never fail to protect you, unless they choose not to.
8. Faith in our gods will give you new life and a powerful assurance of eternal security, but don't squander the therapy fund on a new car just yet.
9 We condemn all lapses on the part of newer religions that we were guilty of when we were their age.
10 Our scriptures must be taken as a serious and unyielding moral code, except for all that complaining about materialism.
Grampus